>>4919
yo coffee_a_rice... my man. it's gud ur able to understand japanese.
most ppl can't even get past the first scene of a visual novel, let alone the first sentence or even the first kanji. so kudos.
u just need to translate more and u'll get better.
I took a small beginning chunk of s053 that you said u revised and gave some sample translations right underneath yours. (i haven't played that route so i just winged it on the translations).
o ya, what's ur twitter or email btw?
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ã€Risa】「ãµã†ã†â€¦â€¦ã¾ã ã¾ã ã€ã“ã£ã¡ã‚‚æš‘ã„ã‚ãã‡ã€ã€ŒFuu......not yet, it's hot here tooã€
「Fuu... it's still hot here.ã€
å—ã®å³¶ã§éŽã”ã—ãŸã€å¤¢ã®ã‚ˆã†ãªå¤ä¼‘ã¿ã‚‚終ã‚り。Leaving the southern island, summer vacation ended like a dream.
Our summer vacation that was like a dream spent on the southern island has finally come to an end.
å¦æ ¡ã®æ–¹ã¯ã€ï¼’å¦æœŸã«â€•â€•ã„ã¤ã‚‚ã®æ—¥å¸¸ãŒæˆ»ã£ã¦ããŸã€‚At the school, is the second term――our usual everyday is back.
Our lives have gone back to normal. [this also implies going back to school & we all already know they're 2nd years]
ã€Risa】「ã“ã‚“ãªã“ã¨è¨€ã†ã®ã¯ãªã‚“ã ã‘ã©ã€è¡Œãã ã‘車ã§é€ã£ã¦ã‚‚らã£ã¦ã‚‹ç¾Žå¤œãŒã€ã“ã†ã„ã†æ™‚ã ã‘ã¯ç¾¨ã¾ã—ããªã‚‹ã‚……ããã€ã€ŒIt's like this though, Miya had a car send her off, and only at times like this I get jealous......sighã€
I can't help but say this, but in times like this, I kind of get jealous that Miya has someone who'll escort her anywhere by car... aah.
ã˜ã‚Šã˜ã‚Šã¨ã—ãŸæš‘ã•ã®ä¸ã€æ ¡é–€ã¾ã§ã®é“ã®ã‚Šã‚’何å°ã‚‚ã®é«˜ç´šå¤–車ãŒç§ã‚’追ã„抜ã„ã¦ã„ã。Scorchingly feeling hot inside, when I got to the school gate a high-class foreign car went pass me.
Within this scorching heat, many high-class foreign cars pass by me, heading towards the school gate.
ã€Risa】「ã‚ã‚ã€ãŠå¬¢æ§˜ã«ã¯ã‚„ã£ã±ã‚Šã€ã“ã®æ—¥ç„¼ã‘ãŒæ•µãªã‚“ã§ã—ょã†ã……ã€ã€ŒAah, as what you'd expect from an ojou-sama, getting sunburned is a threat......ã€
「Aah, sunburn is definitely a threat to Ojou-samas.ã€
é¡ã«æ±—ã—ãªãŒã‚‰æ©ã„ã¦ã„ã‚‹ã†ã¡ã«ã€ã‚„ã£ã¨ãƒŸã‚«å¥³ã®æ ¡èˆŽãŒè¦‹ãˆã¦ããŸã€‚Though there's sweat on my forehead while walking, at last St. Michael's school building can be seen.
While walking with sweat on my forehead, I managed to reach the school buildings of St. Micheal's...
……ã¨ã€ãã“ã¸è»ŠãŒä¸€å°ã€ãƒ”タリã¨æ¢ã¾ã‚‹ã€‚......When, that one car, suddenly came to a stop.
... When suddenly, a car came to a stop.
ä¸ã‹ã‚‰é™ã‚Šã¦ããŸã®ã¯â€¦â€¦ What stepped out from inside was......
The one who stepped out from inside was...
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uh, i guess my advice is don't translate sentences in the order it appears (sometimes this works & sometimes no). this method works 100% in japanese but not english.
your sentences make sense but doesn't flow. try shifting your translated sentences around until it does flow. as practice, try and fix the following five sentences from s053 and post it here.
ã€Risa】「ã¿ã€ç¾Žå¤œã€ã“ã‚“ãªæœæ—©ãã‹ã‚‰ä¼šã†ãªã‚“ã¦ã€ã‚ãšã‚‰ã—ã„ã‚ãã€ã€ŒMi, Miya, to see you so early in the morning like this, how unusualã€
ã€Miya】「ãˆãˆã€ãŸã¾ã«ã¯ã……璃紗ã«ã¡ã‚‡ã£ã¨ã€æ™‚é–“ã‚’åˆã‚ã›ã¦ã¿ãŸã®ã‚ˆã€ã€ŒEeh, once in a while......just a bit with Risa, to have time to meet with youã€
ã€Risa】「ã¸ã‡â€¦â€¦ã©ã†ã„ã†é¢¨ã®å¹ã回ã—ã‹ã—ら?ã€ã€ŒHee......I wonder what sudden turn of events this is?ã€
嬉ã—ã„ã‘ã©ã€ã¤ã„ã¤ã„ã€ã“ã‚“ãªã“ã¨ã‚’言ã£ã¦ã—ã¾ã†ã€‚I'm happy but, subconsciously, such thoughts were put to an end.
ã€Miya】「ãµãµãµã£ã€ã‚ãŸãã—ã«ãれを言ã‚ã›ã‚‹æ°—ã‹ã—らã€ç’ƒç´—?ã€ã€ŒFufufu, am I the one you're thinking of, Risa?ã€