>>4013
I've included all of these in quotes, because I have comments for a few. If I didn't write anything it's good.
Page 64
...'Resolve'...? =>
...'What comes with it'...?
(Itadakima-su) =>
Digging in ♡
(Just to my tastes...-) =>
Just how I like it...
>P65
>S, sorry... I stared at you... =>
>S- sorry for staring at you like that...
S- sorry for staring at you...
>P..., Please don't mind that~ Momoko-chan too, eat, here. =>
>Erm... You don't need to apologise for that~ You should start eating too, Momoka-chan.
>What to do...... =>
>What should I do...
>P66
I sure want to be that girl's prince... =>
I do want to be that girl's prince...
>Be that as it may... It would be considerably overdoing it, however... =>
>Though frankly speaking... It would be pretty much impossible...
>With this appearance, and at a girl's high school, after all, =>
>In a girl's high school with this appearance...
Because it's a girl's school and with my appearance...
>--But, without thinking of anything, =>
>...But without a doubt,
But, as soon as I let slip my true self...
After showing them the plain me as I am, =>
and they see how I normally am,
>--We naturally =>
>We'd naturally
Separated. =>
Separate.
>P67
>Eh? This? =>
>Eh? This is...
(Please receive it.) =>
Please take it.
(It'd be wrong of me.) =>
I'd feel guilty.
>Ah, er! Y, yeah, bought by my mother! =>
>Ah, erm! Y, yeah, those were bought by my mother!
The original is better.
>Then, this, =>
>Then this plush toy,
>P68
Ah, it sure suits her after all- =>
Ah, it sure suits her.
>But, what is it I wonder- This murky feeling...? =>
>But what's with this murky feeling?
>P69
>Softly, =>
>She's soft
>With a sweet smell... =>
>And smells sweet...
>...Se-, Senpai...-
(original is fine fine)
>P70
>No...... I'm, happy. =>
>It's fine... I'm happy about it.
Original is good.
>...Ah... =>
>...Oh...
>(Optional edit)
Original is good.
>That's right, this girl, she's serious. =>
>Oh yea. This girl is serious about me isn't she?
That's right. This girl is serious about me.
>--She's, seeking me...? =>
>Isn't she yearning for me...?
She... wants me...?
>If you're gonna get involved,
>--the proper resolve, alright?
>-prepare your resolve, alright?
If you're gonna take it farther, be prepared to deal with what comes with it, alright?
>0071
s ã™..㣠(inhale..-) => (here I think it's her hand)
slide
>It's settled, isn't it. That I want to be this girl's prince-- =>
>It's settled huh. I want to be this girl's prince.
>(Optional edit if the redrawing of the background is too taxing)
My heart's made up. I want to be this girl's prince.
>--It's painful =>
>Why is it so painfu-
Original is good.
>P72
>Even though, I'm being enveloped, in this gentle a scent--... =>
>Even though I'm being enveloped in this a gentle scent.
Even though I'm being enveloped in this gentle scent.
>Er...? This is...? =>
>Eto...? This place is...?
>(Optional edit)
Er...? Where am...?
>The infirmary. Seems like you overworked yourself, so you should rest awhile, is what sensei said. =>
>The infirmary. Seems like you overworked yourself, so you should rest a while, is what sensei said.
>Being together with me, you overdid it, right? =>
>Being together with me overworked you didn't it?
Being together with me, you pushed yourself to do it, right?
>Ah... =>
>Oh...
>(Optional)
Original is fine.
>P73
s ãŒã°ã£ (energetically) =>
jump
You haven't caused me much trouble--... =>
You didn't cause me trouble
>at... all, though... =>
>at
>all...
>(Rationale: I thought Momoka was saying it at my first glance)
No this is Senpai: ã˜ã‚ƒ / ãªã„ / ã‘ã©.
Like you said is good though.
>If I don't properly- / --but--... =>
>Why am I...
I really wanted this... (make it one line)
>--It's pathetic, but, I have no idea what I should do. =>
>so pathetic? I don't even know what to do anymore!
Geez, I'm pathetic. But I just don't know anymore.
Any further than this, I can't lie to myself, anymore--... =>
This can't go further. I can't lie to myself.
>I'm not able to become Momoko's prince... =>
>But I'm not able to become Momoko's prince anymore...
But I'm not able to become your prince anymore, Momoka...
>P74
...The truth about me is, I really love cute things. =>
...The truth is, I really love cute things.
Not matching my appearance in any way, I'm filled with thoughts about girly things. =>
It doesn't match my appearance at all, but it's all I think about.
>I thought that I could always stay by Momoko's side-... =>
>'So that I could always stay by Momoko's side...' was what I thought.
Original is good (I think you missed the 'if' in the previous sentence).
>That she would like me for my true self, I don't have any confidence. =>
>I didn't have any confidence that she would like me for my true self.
>(Optional edit)
That change is good.
>--But, pushing myself too far, the result was this collapse. =>
>But I have pushed myself too far and collaspsed as a result.
But, by pushing myself, I collapsed as a result.
--The truth is, this is really senpai's beloved, personal doll, isn't it? =>
So that means, this is really senpai's beloved, personal doll, isn't it?
>That regarding senpai, I like everything. =>
>That I liked everything about senpai.
>--That's why, from the start, I knew it. =>
>That's why I'd already knew...
(the ã ã‹ã‚‰ can practically be ignored here)
I already knew from the start...
>That senpai was a girl who liked cute things. =>
>That senpai was a girl who liked cute things from the start.
Original is good.
>Eh...-? =>
>Wha-...?
>(Optional)
>Eh-- =>
>Whaaaat?
>(Optional)
>P75
>The senpai as you are right now, =>
>As the senpai as you are right now...
As you are right now...
>your cute points, properly, show them to me-- =>
>Please show me all your cute points properly!
I want to know all your cute points, senpai!
--We just happen to be in the infirmary too. =>
And how convenient we're in the infirmary.
>P76
>Because she's accepting my true self for myself =>
>On its own, my body is responding-
(no need to switch these around)
Because she's accepting my true self.
>On its own, my body is responding- =>
>Because she's accepting my true self.
On its own, my body is responding.
Page 77
please properly touch me--... =>
please touch me too...
Our smell is piling up on top of each other. =>
Our breaths are piling up on top of each other.
>P79
>Mo... Momoka...? You're okay? =>
>Mo... Momoka...? Are you okay with that?
>--As for me, At another time ♥ =>
>-As for me, How about next time (Insert heart-shaped character)
My turn can come... / next time ♥
>How to say it, like this..... For only me to...... =>
>How do I say it... it was only me who got...
...I / am fine. =>
For me... / this was enough.
Senpai, you wouldn't want to either, right? =>
Senpai still doesn't want to, right?
>P80
(You should properly come back to class.) =>
You should come back to class.
>--Somehow or another, =>
>Somehow or rather,
>(Optional, if redrawing is difficult)
Original is fine.
>In this way or that, this sweetie seems =>
>This sweetie seems...
To be much more skillful than I'd thought. =>
To be much more clever than I'd thought.
Your good-for-nothingness right there is cute, y'know? ♥ =>
For one, that frantic desperation is cute ♥
You said that out loud, just now ♥ =>
You asked it out loud, just now ♥